I am a good, modest, Christian girl who married her first boyfriend and remained a virgin until we married.
I also love sex.
To hear these two statements together may be rare, but it works. Oh, boy, does it work!
There’s this common idea that good Christian girls know that sex is a dirty, shameful thing. Wrong. In fact, such a mindset can rob her from the awesome design we believe God intended. If you think about it, He could have made sex as quick and insignificant as a sneeze, but He didn’t. Instead, I’ve chosen to trust his design. It makes sense that the one who designed both sex and my body would have the best recommendations for pleasure and health. Now I don’t regret waiting for sex, but I really do enjoy having it.
Selene has blogged about the effect of her mindset on her sexiness before.
So here’s a Biblical perspective for you that you may not often hear:
Following God’s timing and design for sex is safe, healthy and promotes good sex.
Yep, you read that right. I came with no baggage when we married. There is also a lot of chemistry and psychology involved in sexual experiences which was protected as we honoured God’s design. My husband’s respect for my virginity showed both strength and trustworthiness. During those early days, we learned about fostering love, communication, and a healthy relationship which protected and encouraged my sex drive to really take off in a sustainable way. This has set up our relationship to survive all sorts of difficulties.
My healthy body is beautiful.
This was something I learned before getting in a relationship, and this mindset has made all the difference. I’m pregnant and my husband and I still find my body sexy. It turns out pregnancy is actually a natural consequence of sex, and a healthy pregnancy is sexy too. Surprise!My healthy body is beautiful. Click To Tweet
My husband and I are meant to be sexually satisfied in each other.
I have every reason to flirt, initiate, enjoy sex, and provide pleasure for him. Often ‘boring’ sex is still awesome and satisfying for us, simply because we have followed the design and don’t let sneaky mindsets in.
Sex can be awesome without being forbidden.
We never had premarital sex, ‘kinky’ explorations, sex toys, or porn in our relationship. If someone were to hear the details of our sex life, while we aren’t always ‘boring’ we’d probably be considered about as safe and mainstream as it comes. Yet, the sex, pleasure, connection and satisfaction is still incredible. On one occasion, someone with a bit more sexual experience recommended a certain position. It is the only time we have listened to someone with such experience and he promised that the ladies love it, because of the nature of the physical stimulation. Wrong. This lady hated it. It completely shut off any sense of intimacy and connection and made me feel like a sexual toy instead of a lover. Lesson learned. Our intimacy and my healthy mindset provides me with greater pleasure than any exciting position.
I deserve a man who respects me and my sexual journey.
I am so thankful for a husband who respected my desire to remain a virgin until we married. Respect is a vital part of sex that keeps me feeling both safe and turned on. This has continued into marriage as we explored sex together – what worked, what didn’t work, what our preferences are. I couldn’t imagine not feeling the freedom to laugh together while ‘doing the deed.’
When we were first married, my husband’s workmates were amused. The fact I was still a virgin at 22 was novel, and they figured we married quickly for the sole purpose of sex. They chose multiple time frames within which the ‘good Christian girl’ would stop putting out for her husband – as we passed the honeymoon stage, and as I grew bored, or even repulsed by sex. That was their experience with sexually-driven women who settled down.
That’s what women with unhealthy experiences and the consequential unhealthy mindsets do. We have surpassed all of their original bets – both in time and situation. I have kept my crazy sex drive past our honeymoon stage, family conflicts, multiple bouts of depression, a miscarriage, pregnancy, and relationship dramas (as annoying as that can be – arguing, while really just wanting sex).
Oh, I wish I could tell those men now. My husband didn’t rob himself by respecting me both before and after marriage. He blessed himself.
If you would like to know more about healthy sex lives with a Christian perspective or have questions about more controversial topics such as porn and sex toys, follow the links below:
- Mark Gungor runs hilarious and honest marriage seminars, which are great for those who are single, newly weds, or married for years. He also has books, DVDs and other resources.
- Courtney Edwin-Nweze, author of this article will be watching this comment thread and is contactable on her own blog at Living like it’s Eden.
Courtney Edwin-Nweze is a Kindy teacher, youth pastor, blogger, author, and avid gardener. At Living like it’s Eden, she blogs about rediscovering the goodness that God intended when he created life. She also writes both short stories and novels as an author of symbolic fantasy. She has an intimate, personal relationship with a supernatural God who interacts and cares about our lives. He has walked with her and enabled victories through PTSD, depression, relationship struggles, miscarriage, and more. Now, she makes it her mission to help and empower others to gain their own victories and claim the good, incredible life that God created us for.